My dreams.. as raw as they come

I don’t know where to begin. I don’t even know where I am or who I am.
The one thing I am certain of is the shooting pain in my jaw. Its an unbearably hot and sharp, like a root canal at the dentist and the anesthetic never quite took. I can even hear the moaning of his drill and feel the bit making its way to deep into my nerve.
My head, my head wants to escape the pounding and grinding felling coming from inside.
I try to open my eyes and see what’s making that awful noise. All my eyes can make out is a milky blur mixed with an unbearable brightness and that god damn buzzing of sound in my ears, it won‘t stop.
I start to make out shapes and forms.
A Bright flash, followed by searing pain in my head and face. Even more of that ringing fills my ears. My heart is pounding so hard that I can almost feel my ribs cracking, my laboured breathe, doing nothing.
God I’m scared!
The sound within me is abruptly replaced by a voice.
Who is that? I stain to recocnize.
Where the Fuck am I? What’s going on?
“Keep your hands up, Damn it!” I can barely hear his voice.
“Guard your left and jab! Guard, jab!” the gruff voice yells at me.
I feel something being jammed in my mouth.
“Are you listening to me?“ it says again
I feel as though my hands are bound and clenched, so heavy I can hardly lift them. Without thinking or even feeling, I stand up on legs that don‘t feel like they belong to me.
My fists slowly come up near my face as I take one step forward.
Fists? Why can’t I move my hands.. Why does it feel like my entire body has betrayed Me.
What is going on, is this a dream?
This can’t real, can it?
It hurts so bad. I just want to wake up.
Wake up, that’s it, This is a dream.
My eyes become clearer and I can see him coming at me, a big hulking figure coming fast.
Am I going to … I am going to die.

I hit the floor and I don’t hear a sound, I didn’t feel a thing, I see only a white light. It was so bright it hurt my eyes, execpt my eyes had nothing to do with this. I haven’t opened them.

.It was almost a pleasant feeling as I went numb, totally devoid of any sensation except for my awearness off the fact I was dieing.

So this is how it ends! Total confusion?
Like some sort of weird mixed up dream.
Every part of me screaming in pain but still feeling nothing? Its just one big contradiction and makes absolutely no sense.
I let it go on and unravel. You know when you realise, it’s a dream and your going to wake up.
“Just sit back and enjoy the ride” I say in my head.
“Its only a dream” I say
“you’ve always wanted to control your dreams and now that you‘re aware your dreaming you can be in control” But I have no control.
“You never have control in your dreams!” I remind myself.

“What was it called again?” Think
Astril travel? Something Travel ? No, that’s not it. Subliminal something? Nope not that either.” Think harder
Think dammit. ”Lusid… that’s it! Lucid DREAMING” I scream to myself..
“Get on with this, you fool”
“Make the flying dream happen, where I flap my arms a barely glide above the ground”
I try to make it happen.
Its not working, still feels like my fucking head will explode.
“The car dream. You remember the one,. The steering wheel kept turning into a melting a gummy worm and you drifted off the road!”
Its called. Think, umm,” Lucid when you control your dreams! Now I remember. Lucid dreaming.”
Yes, you already know that.
I can make anything happen now that I have control of my dreams. Except for the pain and the fact I can’t control anything.

I wake up…… (con’t)

My hands are still heavy and feel burdened and.. The pain is unbearable.

I’m laying down. My eyes are clear and I’m staring at a man in a shabby looking mask. Sorta looks like one of those executioners masks.

I start to drift off…..

I was born out of wedlock 40 long years ago in a small rural town. The woman that gave birth to me decided not on an abortion, but instead, have the child.
Back in those days, in a small town, not married and only 17 years of age I’m lucky to be around.
She could have taken the easy way out and I would not have ever existed. None of these things would have happened to me and so many other lives being altered.

She put me up for adoption and that was the beginning of my life…

I come to. This time my vision is crystal clear. Unfortunately.
What I see sets my heart racing at pace I’ve never felt before. When ….

In a pool?